Tomorrow, the 9th August if my best friends birthday.
Well actually it’s not because 2 years ago she walked out of my life without a reason. This makes me sad. A few years ago my older sister stopped talking to me, often not even acknowledging me in public. This makes me even more sad.
This is only 2 examples of the people I have lost in the last few years, some through a fault of mine, others through their choice and actions.
Every loss is hard, every loss needs a grieving process, every loss is a blow to a persons self-esteem.
I know the losses I have faced have been incredibly tough on me.
The reason I am telling you this, is because whenever these dates of moments come around I remind myself of a quality that I have.
I am relentless in my friendship, in my loyalty. I stand by people, even when they don’t stand by me. I speak well of them most of the time. Mostly, the only thing I can do is pray for them, pray that God will bless them and that this breakdown in friendship is something that will be used for the good.
Because today I am sad that I don’t get to stay up until 00:01 to text a long heartfelt message to wish Rachel a happy 25th. To call her up and sing badly down the phone, to send her the perfect present that I saw and just knew she would love.
Of course I am a flawed friend, and a flawed sister, I make mistakes, heck don’t we all. But I like to believe, and have been told, that I am committed to the people in my life, that I love them relentlessly, that I do my best to support and encourage them, to be there for them when times are tough AND when times are great.
I often do this to a fault, where I end up being drained in relationships, where I give my all and just get hurt and walked all over. But in my mind how can it be a bad thing to love some one and care too much.