Plodding onwards

I really don’t know what to say today. I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror for the last 5mins and I have no good words left. 

How can it be that I advocate for others to see the very best in themselves and can only see 5things of worth in myself? Baring in mind what a struggle that was. I don’t know how to find 2 more. 

It’s literally half an hour after I started writing this blog, I’m determined to finish this project. I guess that is a good personally trait. I set my mind to something and I do it. I keep fighting. 

I guess I never see it. My old counsellor called me “resilient” she told me this determination showed “great psychological strength.” So often people talk about Mental Health as a form of weakness, even family members and friends have informed me that they don’t think I’m mentally strong enough for things. 

But these people aren’t in my head. 

They don’t face the battles that I do, and I’m so glad because I don’t wish that on anyone. 

There are days when I fight tooth and nail with myself to keep going, especially at the moment, I am exhausted. But I keep going, I fight, I continue to live, to ask for help, to reach out to those around me. 

So often I feel weak, I feel a failure, I want to give up. 

But in the words of Elton “I’m still standing.” and as Jamie reminds me, I’m so much stronger then I know. I am determined to get better. 

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